2 embedded clauses
2 adverbials
Semi colon used to replace a conjunction
6 ambitious words not used before
Also use:
1 simile, 1 metaphors, 1 personification
Produce a 300 word passage of writing that includes the following:
2 embedded clauses 2 adverbials Semi colon used to replace a conjunction 6 ambitious words not used before Also use: 1 simile, 1 metaphors, 1 personification
33 Comments
ELLE
11/10/2015 11:34:00 am
Have you ever met Mr Quin well if you haven’t keep reading on to find out more about him!
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G Murphy
13/10/2015 09:38:11 am
This is a fun read. It has humour and good grammar examples throughout. Do check it though as there are some errors with capitals and some missing commas. But good effort.
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:49:54 pm
This is a good but it needs to be in more detail.There are errors in spelling and grammar. Some good ideas though.
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Rachel.M
11/10/2015 05:10:03 pm
On the bus in a foreign country.
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G Murphy
13/10/2015 09:40:20 am
This has some excellent examples of grammar that are written in a very engaging and interesting passage of writing. I enjoyed this. Well done.
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Hetty Feather is a fictional character created by Jacqueline Wilson and there are now five books in the Hetty Feather series:
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G Murphy
13/10/2015 09:42:56 am
This is a brilliant passage of work that has great grammar and punctuation uses throughout. I like the way you structure the piece and the details are interesting. Well done Katya. 2 x hp
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Romilly. N
12/10/2015 05:04:52 pm
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G Murphy
13/10/2015 09:44:21 am
This has many great examples of punctuation and grammar. Well done Romilly. Another good piece of work. 1 x hp.
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Emily R
13/10/2015 05:56:37 pm
Hunger Games
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G Murphy
15/10/2015 07:14:08 am
A great passage of writing with excellent grammar and punctuation. Make sure you close brackets Emily.
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Emily R
13/10/2015 05:59:46 pm
Katniss was a bag of excitement when she saw Prim and her mother. Like lightning she rushed into her mothers arms. Her was racing in glee and happiness.
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:45:50 pm
This needs to be more detailed. There is not enough work here.
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Matthew
14/10/2015 05:36:08 pm
The man ,as lazy as a sloth ,was like a thug walking down the street .He meant no harm ; was just minding his own business.He didn't like talking to people -he didn't like to ,because he had no one to talk to.Meanwhile , there was a woman who was also lonely and did not like talking to people as well because she classed herself as a boastful,fragile,astonishing crystal diamond .They did not have any relationship ,although they seemed alike.However ,everything was about to change in a rather tragic situation...
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:51:15 pm
Some good description but you need to check use of punctuation. Commas not always accurate.
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connor.be
14/10/2015 06:00:45 pm
The dog that said meow.
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:52:34 pm
Good writing. You have put some interesting description here.
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Max M
15/10/2015 07:20:21 am
Well here I am in this strange foreign place. My name is Mr Burley, or Brad as my first name, and I am in this strange, perplexing place. I don't know how I got here!
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:53:35 pm
Interesting. A surreal piece of writing. Well done.
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Jack.p
15/10/2015 03:35:47 pm
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 09:00:30 pm
Check your use of capital letters and full stops. A good passage of writing with some interesting ideas.
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lydia
15/10/2015 04:40:21 pm
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 09:02:02 pm
Your use of capital letters needs to improve. It is a lack of concentration Lydia. Some good word selection and sentence choices.
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Halle
15/10/2015 04:58:57 pm
The Bear at the School!
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:55:10 pm
Good work Halle. You have produced an imaginative passage of writing. Well done.
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Kobe
15/10/2015 06:02:09 pm
The ,cold-blooded and fearful, murderer prowled into the forest...He seemed to be following a path which led to the city of London.He sneaked around looking for victims.The city of London had been acting strange almost like zombies.
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:58:10 pm
A good attempt. Be careful to use commas accurately though. An interesting, short passage of writing.
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Leah M
15/10/2015 06:13:16 pm
Taylor Swift
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:57:01 pm
Super work. Thoughtful and interesting. Good language and punctuation uses too.
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Nathan
15/10/2015 08:09:22 pm
There is this man,a man who always watches, hind by the shadows . He is wanted by the police for numbers crimes but has he committed the crimes he is wanted for ?
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:56:08 pm
Good writing Nathan. I enjoyed reading this passage of work. Some good punctuation and language choices.
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izzy
15/10/2015 09:44:26 pm
Hi my names dexter but im not any old person im a ... DOG... not just any old dog , by day im a loyal family pet , by night im a ... SUPER DOG!!! Im on a big mission right now i have to catch felix the.. cat !!So tonight i have to go into bond mode .
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G Murphy
10/12/2015 08:54:17 pm
Good work Izzy. This is very interesting and well written.
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